Tuesday, October 14, 2008 @12:00 am
oops. i've been so busy the past 2 months i forgot all abt blogging.
nevertheless, i'll share a little little bit. these two months could probably have been the darkest moments. not really in tt i was suicidal and all, but it's the two months where i felt most disconnected with God. and till saturday, like the one that just passed, i really couldnt find myself connected to God at all. i couldnt hear him, i couldnt sense or feel him.
i wondered what was wrong... perhaps, it's me who forgot abt him. amidst my busy schedule, and fun and laughter, i completely forgot he was there all along. and i need to take the coming weeks, months or even years to find back what i was when i was 4, when i heard him, loud and clear.. i want to go back to that. i dont want to sin no more.
at this moment, my sister has gone to the states for 2 months now. everyone's asking the obvious - if i miss her or not. of course i do lar. i cant wait for her to come back.. we've so many things to talk abt. and talking to her via msn or skype, just kinda makes me miss her more. i'm just not used living apart from her. the last time i went to the US for a month and the last time she went too, it didnt feel tt long. i guess cos we knew tt we'd be back in a month. but she's there.. and whilst she has made many friends, i just kinda wish i can be there with her to know what she's been up to, meet her friends and also hear her updating me every night with whatever happened in sch and all.. of course not leaving out the gossips la. gossips between the two of us, as everyone knows, is a large part of our lives together. hahahaha. it's a bit hard living as the only child at home now... and yea u know i could force my sister to accompany me for dinner last time. but till next june that wont be happening. it seems so far away!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
oh ya abt sch. i dont even know what's gonna happen next.... tho it's prolly my last trimester doin my degree, but i somehow just feel tt as usual, the sch never fails to screw up on something. and these screw ups totally worry us more than our actual studies do. giving us undue pressure and stress. i've got a lot more white hair now than before. also 'cause of age, but ya you get my drift.
i hope things get better some how...
regarding my spiritual life, someone told me he senses that God's working in me. I'd really like to seek and find out more abt this work.... i feel that i could be reborn again... :)